The other day I was at a party and found that the host parent offering a glass of wine to a young adult of 16 years. This young person took the drink and believed it was alright to drink as an adult who has his interest in his heart was offering it. However, when the young person tried to drink alcohol in a school trip, he was reprimanded for drinking at such a young age and it being age inappropriate.

In another episode, at a Diwali party, young children of class 7 were allowed to play cards amongst their peer group using money to place their bets. When these children went on a school excursion, and decided to gamble, the school teachers were livid. The students questioned them by saying that they were allowed to do so at home.

A 6 year old child answered the telephone call which was for her parent. Since the parent did not want to speak with the person, she told her daughter to say that she was in the bathroom. The little girl looked perplexed but abided by her mother’s wishes. The young girl got the message that it is alright to say the wrong things, if the need arises. Another boy regularly saw his father speaking rudely to the servant at home and when the boy did not respect the school didis and bhaiyas, and the teachers spoke to him regarding this.

The above episodes highlight the dichotomy that exists between acceptable norms and behaviour at home and school. If schools and homes are not in sync with how they want children to imbibe values, it leads to conflict in the minds of the young person who ends up very confused on what the acceptable social norms and behaviour are.

Often parents do not realise the conflicting messages they give their young children when their own behaviour is different from their expectations from their children.  They get upset with their children when they do not see their expectations being met – is that justified? Also, parents must not get caught up in the peer pressure of being “cool parents” – parents need to become role models for their children and help them uncover and understand the conflicts that they see around them.

Let us work towards giving our children the same messages from different quarters so that we can reduce the confusion in the minds of growing children and help them grow up as strong willed individuals who can make informed choices and understand the difference between right and wrong.